The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
be right there i have to get my cape
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
