My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
