I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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