Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
