everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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