She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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