She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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