Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
