Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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