he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
