Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
