I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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