He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
