he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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