Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
