Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
