I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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