uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
