Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
