I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dick very happy bro
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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