i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
