Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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