The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
