I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
