I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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