Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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