Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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