Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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