You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
