remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
