Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
