So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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