just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
