oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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