if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
