Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
