and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
