I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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