The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
