Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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