where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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