just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Sext me about skeletons
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
