yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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