And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
