Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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