if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i think my cat just said my name.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
