you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
