his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
