She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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