I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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