he puts the penis in happiness.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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