You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
