hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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