i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
