I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
