I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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