I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
